Did you know that Donald "Douchebag" Trump has been having a secret, illicit, love affair since moving into the White House?
You didn't? Would you like to know with who? Well, you'll be surprised and amazed who he's shagging. Here's the proof in pictures ...
Most of these pictures come courtesy of HappyToast. Thanks to "HappyToast's" genius, dedication and creativity with Photoshop, now we all know.
Here below, we have Donald Douchebag starting to get all dolled up for his hot and heavy date tonight.
He's still trying to figure out the lipstick thingy ...
1. "Should I blow it? or suck on it?", he's not too sure what to do with it.
2. "Hey, maybe this thing works better if I use two hands. After all, I do love giving two hand jobs.", thinks the Douche.
3. "Ahhhhg, this tastes awful. How will I ever be able to get any hot and heavy lip action with this awful, gucky stuff on?"
4. Well, it's better than no lip stick I guess. But now I see what they mean by putting lipstick on a pig."
5. "Wha'choo lookin' at, Willis?"
6. "I think I'll also put some on my anus, just in case. You never know when DeSantis or Nunes might drop by."
7. "Hey, this is starting to taste good. Maybe I'll just wash it down with some disinfectant after."
8. "Hey Daddy, I have just the thing for you. You should try the new and improved Clorox Disinfectant Cola."
"It's light and refreshing, tastes great and it'll clean all of your insides like magic.", interjects daddies favorite hottie, Ivanka Wanker, shucking her new product.
"No more China Virus."
9. "Thanks honey, but I wanna grab you by the Pussy and then bang you really hard, ok baby?"
"You know, I feel so sassy and sexy, just like Stormy Daniels. When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything", he mutters to himself.
"Whad'ya have in your other hand there baby?"
10. "Oh, nothing really Daddy. Just a new product I'm promoting.", Ivanka Wanker responds evasively.
11. "Ivanka, whad'ya mean it's Chinese lipstick, made in Kung Flu, China? I better not get the China Virus because of it."
"Gimme some of that Clorox now!" demands the germophobe Douche.
12. "Really? Crooked Hillary uses the same shade of lipstick? I don't believe it. That can't be. It's Fake News, I tell ya. It's all Fake News."
13. "I know I'm getting Mitch all hot and horny, the way he's looking at me. I'll play hard to get, look the other way and put some more on to give him a real, fucking hard on."
14. "Nobody is better than me at putting lipstick on. Nobody! I'm the bestist at it of all."
15. Who was the Douche getting all dolled up for anyway? This Indian guy?
16. Or can he hardly wait to secretly meet up with this alluring, metrosexual French tart tonight?
17. Perhaps it was this sexy, romantic, love-letter writing, hunky North Korean lothario?
18. Maybe this sizzling hot, manly, Canadian Trudeau beefcake, boytoy is his hot and heavy date tonight?
19. Or could it be he's into the darker, murkier, kinkier, Ruskie, Puty side of things?
20. Well, we know for sure he's not gonna be hooking up with this fuckin' old black guy.
21. Aaaah, I think I know from the picture below who Douchebag Donald's true, secret love is ... and right in front of Melania to boot.
22. Yeah, I was right. It all makes perfect sense now.
The only problem Douchebag, is when you hind grind Pence later on tonight and impregnate him, the poor ol', knocked up Evangelical bastard won't be able to get an abortion.
Do you blow, suck on or eat your lipstick? Do you lipstick your anus? Do you do it monkey style? Inquiring minds want to know.
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