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Trump Orangutan

The Time When Donald “Douchebag” Trump Had to Prove he Was Not the Son of an Orangutan (A True Story)

Would you believe that there was once a time when Donald "Douchebag" Trump actually went to court to prove that he was not the son of an Orangutan?

Believe it or not it's true.  But given all of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I believe that he really is the son of an orangutan.

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It all started back in 2012 when Donald Douchebag offered President Barack Obama 5 million dollars to release his college transcripts, passport records and birth certificate.

In response, Bill Maher, the late-night HBO talk show host pushed back and as a joke, he offered the Douche 5 million dollars to the charity of his choice if he proved that he was not the seed of an orangutan.  

Maher jokingly argued, maybe just maybe, there was 50% Orange Orangutan DNA in a man ape named DJT. 

Trump Ape Pouty Close up

“Lets determine whether he is in fact the love child of a human woman and an orangutan from the Brooklyn zoo,” Maher said. 

“Look, I’m not saying your mother was repeatedly fucking an orangutan back in the 1940’s, I don’t know if that’s true.  I hope it’s not true."

"But given your face, your physique, your intelligence level and of course your hair, the American people deserve some real proof that your mother did not spend most nights in 1945 covering her body in banana oil sneaking into the monkey cage and compulsively humping an orange orangutan.”

Maher demanded that the Douchebag prove that he is not “the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan.”  

Maher, interviewed on Jay Leno’s The Tonight Show, pointed out the similarity in color between Trump’s coif and an orange orangutan’s fur, as split-screen images of Trump next to an orangutan were displayed.

Trump Orangutan Collage

He certainly had a valid point given the Douchebag's perfectly coiffed, comb over hair doo, the bright orange fur/skin, the intense ape like facial expressions and the defiant, impertinent, rebellious, "I don't give a damn" attitude. 

If Douchebag Donald complied with his request and proved him wrong, Maher promised that he would give the Douche $5 million to the charity of his choice.  The charities Maher suggested were the “Hair Club for Men” or the “Institute for Incorrigible Douchebaggery.”

The Douchebag took the obvious joke, personally.  In what surely was a PR stunt, he took Maher up on his offer.  He not only sent Maher a copy of his birth certificate proving he was not the son of an orangutan but also filed a $5 million lawsuit against Maher for breach of contract.

Here's a copy of the law suit below.  It's really hilarious.  It has all the sorry, sordid details.  I really feel sorry for the Douchebag's lawyer who had to actually draw it up.

Through his attorney, Michael Cohen - the convicted felon that was sentenced to 3 years in prison in 2018 and was automatically disbarred from practicing law - the Douche sent Maher a copy of his birth certificate that proved that his father indeed was Fred "Douchebag" Sr. Trump, not an orangutan.

The letter stated, “Attached hereto is a copy of Douchebag Donald's birth certificate, demonstrating that he is the son of Fred "Douchebag" Sr. Trump, not an orangutan.”

Trump Letter
Trumps birth certificate

“I made an absolute acceptance, I sent him valid documentation, my birth certificate and he now owes me $5 million, ” the Douche said.

The Douche alleged that when he provided his birth certificate to Maher proving he is not, in fact, the son of an orangutan, Maher never gave him the $5 million.

The Douche requested he receive the 5 million directly so he could disburse it to his chosen charities.  

But given Douchbag Donald's reputation of being a cheap ass, skin flint, the fact that he didn't have a solid history of charitable giving and his misuse & theft of funds from his charitable foundation, he would have most likely kept the 5 million for himself.  

An incredulous Maher followed this up on his show by asking, “Do these morons even know it’s impossible for people and apes to produce offspring?”

Trump Orangutan Anger Unleashed

Furthermore, he dismissing Trump as “a man who, for a little extra publicity, will happily keep alive a debate over whether his family reunions are held at the zoo.” 

At the time, legal experts said there would be little chance the Douche would win given that the entire episode was satirical in nature.

Given the outrageousness of Maher’s statement, the amount of money involved and the fact that his statement was made on a late night, comedic TV show, it's obvious that the Douche would have had an uphill battle winning his case in court.

The stupid, ridiculous, idiotic, time wasting, brain dead lawsuit didn’t gain any traction.  Records in Los Angeles Superior Court show that Donald Douchebag requested the lawsuit be dismissed without prejudice.    

Trump Ape Whistling Dixie

The Douchebag ended up dropping the suit but the threat of being sued by him remained.  Michael Cohen insisted that although the suit had been withdrawn temporarily, it could resurface anytime in the future. 

Well you know what, I'm not too sure that Donald Douchebag is not the son of an orangutan given the overwhelming, photographic evidence recently discovered from his niece's, Mary Trump family archives.

Just see the two pics below for proof.  They are both self revealing and need no explanation.

Trump as a child

And here's the Douchebag's very own Mom agreeing with me and approving this post.  She obviously thinks it's election time by declaring "I'm Donald Trump's Mom and I Approve of this Message."

Trumps Mom approving this message

So you see Bill Maher was, well ... kinda right.  Douchebag Donald is the son of an orangutan.  Maher just got the part of the parent who had sex with an orangutan wrong.  

It turns out all along that it was Fred "Douchebag" Sr. Trump who was slathering himself all over with banana oil in 1945 and sneaking into monkey cages in the middle of the night, compulsively humping orange orangutan's in New York City's, Central Park zoo.

Go figure, huh?  What a crazy, whacky family ... 

Question:

So, would you agree that President Donald "Douchebag" Trump is the son of an orangutan?

Call to Action:

I think so, definitely without a doubt ... and once again your call to action is below.  

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About the Author Mark Blaise

Mark Blaise is an idealistic, socially conscious content creator on a mission to raise people’s awareness while promoting social justice for all. He enjoys writing inspiring and thought provoking posts on social issues, The Golden Rule, personal growth and other amazingly helpful "stuff". His goal is to inspire you to grow and to be a better person by spreading more kindness, showing more compassion, doing unto others, giving back, contributing and helping make the world a better place, while living a truly happy, more fulfilling and inspired life.

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